The Voice Inside Your Head?
Stuck in a situation where the voice in your head seems louder than usual, unnecessarily mean, perpetuating negative self talk, doubt, fear and anxiety rather than productivity, creativity and praise.
We’ve all been there.
That voice should be ours, right? So why would we ever push ourselves harshly in a negative direction?
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Why do we constantly throw hard hitting insults at ourselves, feeding the insecurity in that serves no purpose but to stress us out?
Why do we remind ourselves of all the times we’ve messed up every time we try something new?
How are we able to play on all of our deep insecurities… of all people, shouldn’t we be the one who wants ourselves to succeed the most?
Considering the reality of the hostile environment of our minds… who do you think that voice is? Do you believe it’s really you?
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I remember growing up, constantly hearing horrible things about myself in my head, as if the voice knew every insecurity, playing on them to make me feel worthless, embarrassed and uncomfortable.
I remember it was the worst anytime I had to speak in front of a crowd, whenever I was walking into school or when I was called on in class.
I truly believed every word of the non stop track of insults and insecurities going on in my mind, which perpetrated crippling insecurities that took years of healing to dissolve.
I believed every word because I thought the critical voice was ME speaking to myself… and why would’t I trust my own voice?
My life was radically changed when I learned about the brain, the psychology of the mind, how it operates on its own, the connection between the mind and the body, and the states of consciousness we flow in and out of every single day.
I challenged myself to practice awareness of my own mind to increase my knowledge about the levels and depths I go through, because no matter how much you learn about the brain, no one knows your mind like you.
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One day, as I was getting dressed, I heard an insult in my mind, about my body, the way it looked in the mirror, the way my clothes didn’t fit the way I wanted them to...
Oddly enough, I actually loved the outfit I put on, and in that moment, felt extremely confident about my body, and yet hearing that streamline of comments made me backtrack.
I double checked myself in the mirror, contemplated my outfit choice and started to go through the list of things I want to change about my appearance, like an accidental domino affect, playing out just below my awareness.
Suddenly I regained awareness, snapped myself back to the present and totally laughed out loud! What was I doing..?
I was completely thrown off!
It was a familiar string of body image insults I remember hearing in my head all the time growing up. I knew that I no longer believed in what the insult had said, and yet my mind was so deep in the habit of perpetuating that certain loop, that part of my mind got triggered anytime I got ready or looked at myself in the mirror.
The loop was habitual, with a mind of its own, stuck deep in the past, completely unconscious of my growth.
What really got me was the fact that I had still said it to myself, regardless of the fact I knew it wasn’t true.
I was so curious as to how that sly little mental insult I had absolutely outgrown initiated a cascade of insulting thoughts about myself and my body, and if I hadn’t been mindful and aware of that first little comment, I would have started my day hating myself!
I would have gone through my morning finishing off that list of everything I ‘don’t like’ about being me, a completely unfair start to what was actually a great day! [note: shoutout awareness, you rock.]
I decided to dig deeper, see what I could learn from myself.
I sat with that initial comment for a couple of moments, asking myself why I felt the need to ‘think it’ in that moment… I used to dislike the way I looked, but getting ready that morning I absolutely loved my outfit, felt extremely confident in my body and my skin was clearer than it had been in years.
I came to a radical realization; the voice is so familiar to us, because it runs on familiar commentary, almost like a computer program. The voice plays off all of your beliefs, and since so many of us go through lives holding onto and solidifying the same beliefs, we are unable to observe the ‘programming’ of the voice, because it sounds like us and agrees with what we already believe to be true!
For example, forming the belief “I am fat” in someone that is not actually fat can come from any sort of external conditions, from a coach, a parent, a series of unhealthy comparison, unrealistic imagery in fashion marketing, Tumblr photos, instagram, the list can go on forever.
It only takes one comment, one image or one experience to plant that ‘seed of belief’ into the mind, and once the belief is plotted, the subconscious plows it deeper and deeper.
Everyone knows our minds are super computers, with complex functioning that helps us grow in significant ways as individuals and as a population, however it is the conscious person that decides what they ‘think’ to be true, and the brain that solidifies it.
In this ‘Age of Information’ we’re currently living in, the amount of beliefs thrown in front of us every day are multiplying. They are confusing and overwhelming, so much so that we are rarely conscious during the adaptation process.
The process of a comment, seen heard observed or told, growing into a belief happens below our awareness.
As the voice in our heads throws out agreeable content to satisfy the newly forming belief, we listen and adapt, simply because we believe that the content is coming from ourselves, honest and trustworthy.
Some may have heard of confirmation bias, vastly prevalent in technology, search engines and social media, but also in our supercomputer minds. We tend to surface agreeable information to satisfy prior beliefs or values, striving for consistency but along the way forgoeing a rounded perspective.
The belief solidifies more and more each day until it becomes certain in the mind.
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In accordance with the prior example, once the belief “I am fat” becomes absolutely certain in the mind, loosing weight to a point of hospitalization won’t be enough to infiltrate the belief and change their mind.
This example is actually horrifyingly present in today’s society. We call it anorexia.
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We don’t notice this programming because we become so accustomed to what ‘we’ are saying to ourselves all day, it becomes part of our routines, habitual, normal.
The only way to really notice the ‘programming’ is to challenge a belief that perpetrates the mental chatter.
I was able to discover this through reformatting a belief I held true about myself, something I formed unintentionally, that was perpetuating negativity in my mental environment. It was something I was ready to move past.
I mindfully picked through my routine of mental chatter surrounding this belief and pinpointed the beginning; an assumption I observed about myself based on someone else's ideals… something I didn’t even believe to be true.
Going through this process of mindfulness made me profoundly aware of the following; how many other beliefs do I currently stand behind that I no longer believe in? How many did I never even believe in in the first place?
Even more importantly, how many of those outdated beliefs are perpetrating negative self talk, weakening my spirit and stunting my growth?
I find that now, I pay much more attention to the thoughts crossing my mind.
I enjoy questioning myself, the thoughts and my reactions to the thoughts from a place of love and trust, willing to let go of anything I come across that doesn't serve me in the present.
Questions you can ask yourself: Do I believe this? Why do I believe this? Is this reason reputable? Did I form this belief on my own or did I imprint it from someone else? Do I still hold this belief to be true? Is this belief serving me?
I am grateful for this process because it has always led me to eliminating every insult-ridden belief that my subconscious feeds on to solidify unnecessary negative self imagery.
Our minds are undeniably incredibly helpful tools, but left unkept and unswept, can take over your conscious self, feeding on the seeds of belief we aren’t even aware of and creating horribly negative perspectives on ourselves, our lives and this world.
The first step to changing your life is to look at yourself without bias, without judgement, do you really believe the loop playing on repeat in your mind? Do you WANT to believe the loop playing in your mind?
Honest and mindful awareness is the most powerful tool to spark lasting change.
As British philosopher Alan Watts famously said, “The mind is a good servant with a bad master,” taking charge of your inner beliefs changes your inner world, which then reflects outward.
Being well, happy and content always starts within.
xx
AES
Happy mindfulness! ENJOY THE PROCESS :)
